Monday, February 05, 2018

I hate Dory

he has until 3/14 to decide if he wants the apartment when the lease renewal comes up (lease here is till june 30) and i move out or if he will be moving out.

i dont know how to do any of this anymore. not sure what happened, or when, but at this point , im broke and broken on so many levels, it stopped being 'fun' or 'funny'

at this juncture, idk _what_ im doing anymore. i barely talk or leave the place. the culmination of the previous 2 years have destroyed me. over and over. on the rare occasions where I pluck up enough courage to write or talk briefly with someone, various repercussions end up smashing me back down into
doubt that I should have ever talked to begin with.

my head is a huge screaming jumble most of the time, anymore. Most of the time, I doubt I'm even real or that I ever did/experienced any of the things I seem to recall.

mostly, I just don't want to exist anymore. trust has been broken so many times and so many ways that i'm just... done.

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