Wednesday, October 20, 2010

where our heroine discusses new Psych doctors and time to bleach her hair

Well, yesterday I saw the psychiatrist, Dr. K. She's a very pleasant woman who seems to have heard a lot of people complaining about Bollinger. Yes, I'm upset enough with the old psychiatrist that I'm using her real name because I think the stunt she pulled (canceling appointments and then leaving PSU's employment) is a load of shit. I *thought* she was a nice doctor and I *thought* the new approach would be good. So much for her Hippocratic Oath.
Honestly, without a commitment to the patient, she shouldn't practice. It's especially hard on people who have attachment issues. I truly hate to say this, but I would not recommend her to anyone.

The first thing I asked Dr. K was how long was she going to be my doctor. I was that blunt, too. I know she already has quite a case load. Before I allowed myself to get attached to her, I wanted to know if I was going to be shuffled off to the new psychiatrist if/when the PSU Psych Clinic hires someone else. She assured me that she would be my doctor for the foreseeable future. Fair enough.

We then discussed my moods (according to Rykujin I've been "up and down more times than a pair of kangaroos in mating season." He's amusing =) and the OCD issue. Dr. K isn't convinced that it was the right path to take my treatment. While I do have some very strong habits (Here's where I admit I have a problem somewhat obsessively picking and plucking my face and ripping skin off my feet... There. I've said the worst of it and now everyone knows.) they themselves do not constitute DSM diagnosed OCD. On a black and white scale where black is crippling OCD and white is no OCD at all, I'm a light shade of grey. In the end, because I'm on a fairly high dose of Luvox and it's having marginal effect on the habits, we're going to ween me off of it. I have started back up on the Effexor since it seemed to at least have me evened out. We will probably increase it when I see her again in 2 weeks (currently, I'm on 75mg).

Today I saw KC as my psychologist. We also talked about what happened with my treatment relative to Bollinger dumping my appointments and then leaving, how it made me feel (um. Angry? Abandoned?) and a little about how I feel about treatment in general (If I cannot be honest with my therapist, who can I be honest with? Yes, Gentle Reader, while you get the truth out of me, there are times I gloss over things or just don't talk about them at all. Though this all makes me boggle at the fact I can sit here and type some of the more intimate details of my health [mental and physical] yet I still drop the phone like a hot potato when you call, sometimes. I'm getting better, but I still prefer the disconnect of text on a screen over talking in person. How peculiar. I'll have to think about that more... anyhow.... =)

KC and I talked about how the PSU clinic is foremost a teaching facility and by the nature of it, therapists will come and go over the years. I'm cool with that. AR, my old psychologist, warned me well ahead of time that we were going to separate and I respect that. Someday the same will happen with KC. However, the psychiatrists are supposed to be foundation stones, set in place to anchor the treatment and that failed with Bollinger. I mean, she wasn't even there a year. I had 3 maybe 4 appointments with her, in total.

Yeah, I'm really hurt and angry about her... School was a year in planning and then for me to fail so spectacularly in 2.5 months...

On to lighter topics.

I'm sitting here typing with a wal-mart bag on my head as the bleach does its job. I've not decided what color(s?) exactly I want to do it yet. I have teal, cobalt blue, fuchsia and electric purple... Occasionally I debate dying all my hair black and being done with it, but then someone somewhere compliments me and (inevitably) leans over in a conspiratorial manner and whispers, "I wish I could do that!!" It's the older (early to mid 60s) women who thrill me the most. It always floors me that someone who's my mom's generation would want fuchsia hair. Then again, Are You Being Served? had the woman with the big hair that was blue or pink, so I guess it's not that odd... Perhaps just the intensity both of the color and their wistfulness of it.

Anyhow, I decided it was time to bleach it and start over. I had a good 3" of roots showing and the colors had all washed out to a silvery grey color. *snort* People spend hundreds of dollars to get rid of their grey and here I am walking around with a full head of self-induced grey at 36. At this point, I still don't think I have any natural grey. I'm taking after my mom and her dad's side of the family. My father, on the other hand, was salt and pepper in his senior high school photo and (while I don't remember this part) was almost completely white haired when he died at 36 back in '81.

Aside from that, I've been knitting like mad for Choperena. I've started a little pouch to put a cell phone in. It's black with a large red "B" on it (for Buffy the Vampire Slayer). I have always marveled at Nanonukie's color work. Let me just say that after having done this project 1) it's addictive doing 2 color knitting and 2) it's a LOT harder than I anticipated!! I have an even deeper respect for her work now. I just cannot get the tension down right! So, Nanonukie, I bow down to your amazing color work. You are a gem among knitters. =)

Other than that, pricing tires, playing Puzzle Quest 2 on my little Nintendo DS when I lay down to nap, some drop spinning and trying to keep the kitchen clean. My cold seems to have mostly gone, though every now and then I have a 'productive cough' fit.

Ok. now I'm typing blind because I have a fat, tubby little cat sitting on my desk infront of the screen. I think that's her way of telling me she wants attention so I will sign off for now.

hugs and love

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