Thursday, September 17, 2009

eye exam today

rykujin jokes that I was going to blog and say, "Hi, how is everyone? I spent the day depressed." meh.

Saw the eye doc today. My eyes have gotten a good deal worse than my last exam back in '07. I have a 6 month follow up with him. Because of the meds I'm taking, they dry my eyes out (ok, they dry everything out. Trying to get blood from me takes either a very skilled phlebotomist or 3 jabs, whichever comes first =-) Dry eyes mean that my (or anyone's) cornea dries out and wrinkles which cause blurring. It also affects how much fluid is in the eyeball and therefore the eyeball shape, making the astigmatism worse, as well. It was a very educational visit. I opted to keep my same frames and just get new lenses put it. Might as well save myself $100, right? Looks like I'll be wearing my glasses most of the time for now on, though. It's going to be a weird change having to put them on in the mornings, instead of just when I was driving (not that I did much of that either) or staring at the screen (tv, computer, movie, etc).

Other than that, not much to report. I saw Mr. P today who used to date my mom. He's a super nice guy and things are going well for him. We talked about orchestral rock music like Three Dog Night and I mentioned he might like Dream Theater. It was good to see him. I liked Mr. P ("Rob" as I call him). He was one of the few boyfriends my mom ever had that was interested in me as a person. He even helped Demented and I move into out first apartment way back in February '97)

Knitted some, watched some videos, played Civilization on the Xbox and generally was a lump. The boys (J&J) were down for a little while today too. Big J is really into one of The Reverend's video games, Mirror's Edge. Little J played WoW for a little bit. Little J is currently the one who's being brattiest, but that will change. Over all they're good kids, they just have their moments.

as an aside: Medical retirement sucks.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

my life in 10 lines

So there was a thread on Ravelry-LSG that asked us to distill our life to 10 bullet points. This is what I came up with:
  • born to poor rural parents of 2 seriously dysfunctional families
  • dad died when I was 7
  • moved to a college town at 10 when my mom got a job as a nurse at a state prison
  • High school spent in the art department, avoiding everyone except my HS sweetheart
  • Went to college for an Art/English/German degree, but quit because of mental health issues
  • while in college, held down a full time job (essentially) working with computers. Then in ‘96, offered a full time job with real benefits doing virtual reality things
  • developed physical problems as well as continued mental problems
  • had a major breakdown in 05 and ended up divorced, lost my cats to the ex, house foreclosed and 2 cars repossessed
  • trying to claw my way out of a pile of shit
It was actually really hard to do it. what do you pick and choose as the 'highlights' of your life? If I were to do it 1 week from now, it would be slightly different. I've been sliding back into a dystopic view of life again. For some reason, the dreams of Demented have come back. I just *exist* with nothing of real interest to talk about. I live for the few days I get out among people who are willing to put up with me, allow me to tag along. I just don't have much to contribute.... blah.

as an aside, I've been watching REPO: The Genetic Opera with commentary. I LOVE this movie. It's hysterical. If you've not seen it, watch it, keeping in mind it's a Rock Opera, so everything is over the top and there's lots of singing (but it's done well =)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Back to the Sex Pistols

For years I hated the Sex Pistols because it made me think of RAE. I dated him for a while when I was a teen. He LOVED them. He thought he was Sid Vicious reincarnated (odd, since RAE was born in 73 and Sid didn't die till 79). I credit with RAE getting me into skateboarding, punk, thrash, and bucking the system. He helped me grow into an individual. He wasn't that great of a person though and getting rid of him was one of the best moves I think I ever made. I often wonder what ever happened to him.

Realistically, I've only ever dated him, Demented (whom I was married to then divorced from), and Rykujin. The concept of 'dating' terrifies me. I don't know how people survive breaking up and meeting new people. My divorce pretty much shattered me to the point where I'm pretty much paralyzed at the thought of change.

Something my therapist and I talk about quite a lot, actually.


So today was Rykujin's birthday (the big three zero). He got stung by a yellow jacket that somehow found it's way into the house where Rykujin stepped on it. Right between his toes. He said he wants a big plastic ball that he can live in for a day next year. heh.

We watched J&J earlier today for our upstairs neighbor while she was working. They're... kids. Sometimes they can be really sweet and good and most of the time they drive you up a wall. =) Little J likes to play World of Warcraft while he's down here, but doesn't do too well since he has problems reading still. I have to help him by reading the quests out loud to him. Big J has a 'Rip Stick' that he's really into at the moment. A lot of boys around here have them. It's the craziest thing. If you're not familiar with one, it's sorta like the next evolution of skateboards. Excecpt the Rip Stick only has two roller blade like wheels that pivot 360 degrees and there are two platforms that are attached to each other by a tube, allowing the platforms to rotate (yaw, I guess??) Big J is getting better on it. He's started trying to do grinds and ollies with it... *shakes head* Man do I feel old and pudgy.

I've been knitting and reading Ravelry off and on all day. My back won't stop hurting so I'm disinclined to do much of anything. My beads languish, cleaning and/or redding up doesn't happen. I'm just a big lazy lump. Oh well, at least yarn is getting used, right?

ETA: I just discovered Sarah Haskins off of an LSG thread on Ravelry. OMFG. She is funny. Seriously funny. I wish I would have seen her long ago. I guess it just means I have a night of funny videos ahead of me...