Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tuesday update

Just a quick update: My arms feel like jello. I keep bursting out in tears every so often. I can't believe this is going on.

CJ has just had her son, MetalManiac, arrested for 'beating her'. All the falls she took left bruises all over (and some scrapes too). She's claiming that he caused all the bruises.

The police also said that I was really "close to being arrested" for stealing the car/joyriding. She's now claiming that she never gave me a key and I had no permission to drive it.

I don't understand how someone can be like this! =-( Just when I think that humanity is ok, I see large scale depravity like unwarranted Palestinian genocide in Gaza and then experience "small scale depravity" myself. It makes me wonder how to trust people. No wonder it's so hard for me to let people into my life anymore. It seems like so many people are just mean and two-faced. How can anyone know who to trust? How do you know they won't turn on you in a couple of months and try to ruin your life???

I drove her to doctors appointments, shopping, to cash her checks, random other places. I helped her sort her shoebox of medicines out.  All I wanted to do was help. For a while, she was almost like a mom. For all my own mother's issues, she's a saint compared to the howling monstrosity that has taken over CJ's mind.

I'm sad. I'm hurt. I worry about MetalManiac. I worry for myself. 

I owe phone calls to a number of you

Well, at the moment, I'm waiting for transportation to pick me up for my weekly psychologist appointment. It gives me a little time to update my blog again. I know I owe a number of you phone calls. I'll try to get to them today when I get back, assuming I don't nap the day away again. Tomorrow I'm taking Rykujin to Altoona for his PA JobCorp interview. That's going to be almost an all day thing.

I'm doing ok. I've been more exhausted than I first thought and spent yesterday sleeping. Good gods I ache too. I feel as if I fell down a 2 story elevator shaft onto a mattress. Alive but everything hurts. My ribs even hurt. I'm guessing it's been the stress of everything going on, trying to haul 150 pounds of dead-weight off the floor and into bed as well as the weather (another snow storm is coming our way! Studdragon, can't you keep your weather to yourself? =-). 

I do have to admit, everything that's been going on, now that I've had time to not be in 'CRISIS MODE' , reality sets in and I wonder how I did it, how I managed to be the one to take charge. It at least feels like I was the one who took charge of the CJ situation, and I think I was proactive (what a buzz word) with the Rykujin situation (though hats off to 3 South staff in helping him make plans for his future!!) I had been running on less than 4 hours of sleep for four days or so (as was MetalManiac and even Rykujin once he was discharged Friday). How strange, like some sort of nightmare you can't wake up from.

on the more positive side of things: I spun some silk that Aurora gave me into fine thread (about 1-2mm diameter) that I'm now crocheting into a small snood for myself. It's taking longer than I thought. Spinning is relatively easy of my hands (I do get small blisters on my index finger.

oh gods. I just got a call from metalmaniac. things have gone down hill just now. I'll post more later, time is of the essence.... FUCK!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

quick update

It's been a looooong week. Rykujin is home and we have gotten things mostly straightened out. He's going to be going to PA JobCorp. Next week is his intake interview (but all the paperwork has been already finished) and then in about a month, he will be, essentially, off to college for 2 years. Right now he's thinking about culinary arts.

Friday, when he got home, things with CJ got much worse. Laying-in-feces worse. Today was the final straw. It involved 3 police cars, an emergency mental health visit and an ambulance. MetalManiac is exhausted and mentally worn out, as are Rykujin and I. The least of the issues was her not taking care of her diabetes (and not really letting us help). I hope the fall out from all this will work out for the best. It's been hard watching people fall apart right in front of my eyes.