Thursday, March 13, 2008

March is a bad month for losing people...

Well, the losses keep mounting this month. No more... I hope at least, no more. 

Last week Atom found out that his aunt had passed away. They had known she was sick and in the hospital, but he had no idea how sick she was. He and Alló had seen her not that long ago. She had lung and brain cancer. My heart went out to him. He seems to have a bit more closer knit family than I am accustomed to, so something expected unexpectedly happening... Horrible.

Then I just found out that The Big Bubber (Bridgett) finally was no longer with us but she was in no more pain, either. I had very bad experiences with dogs as a child (very old scars from being about 3 and bit on the face, my mom having a dog latch on to her calf, being chased by one in my own yard... etc.). I have a slightly irrational fear of dogs. Bridgett was just a puppy when Duckie & J got her. I got Chaucer around the same time (Maine Coon impersonator =). It was so hard not to like her. As she grew up, her companions had been cats. She, naturally, thought of herself as a 100lb cat. She loved to curl up on the couch with people, as close to their lap as possible. She loved chasing 'The Bug" (laser pointer) and would go nuts trying to climb the couch to get higher if you put it on the ceiling. One time I was eating wasabi peas while playing MTG with Duckie. I think I dropped a couple and Bridgett zoomed right in and ate them. I couldn't believe it! So I started throwing peas up into the air for her to catch. It was a great game for a while. Then I went home. About a 1/2 or so later Duckie called. Mad. OHHHHH so upset! She had just dealt with explosive green, wasabi  diarrhea. Poor Duckie. Poor Bridgett!

It's so hard to think she's gone. I guess I just took it for granted that she was the big bubbly redhead and would always be there.

And then today.

I got my birthday card from my mom today. She tried calling me earlier this month and I wasn't able to get to the phone in time (or was I in a Dr.'s appt. with it on 'silent'? Can't remember now...) Anyhow, every time I've thought to call her back it's been late. Crappy daughter that I am. In it was a note. My Aunt Ginny died on the 5th. She had lung, liver and brain cancer. She was my mom's oldest sibling. Aunt Ginny was a difficult person. A little 'crazy', definitely a spirit all her own, willful, and had been through a lot in her life. She lived in Texas for years. Since sometime in the 80's. I didn't see her much, but her feisty nature carried all the way back to Pennsylvania. 

I didn't expect that she would be gone. Somewhere in my mind, I've stopped the sands of time and I'm still 19, all my friends and not even close to 30, and my mom and relatives are all still generally 30-somethings.

Now I'm the 30-something. (Tomorrow 34, if you don't want to do the math =) Time flies, and it doesn't come back, it simply scars us. 

I will leave you with haiku's from June 2005... When I tried to leave but stayed at 3 South instead.

Time's Cruel hands plays tricks
upon the soul, minds, and hearts.
What is to become?

Bit stream down the wire,
signals bleed band gap and packet loss.
Where does that data go?

Core Dump: will Swap fill?
Crash the system without good
level 0 dumps.

and finally:

A path no one knows,
a dark & unknown journey.
You are your own guide.


quick update, I've just got home and Alló is coming over to sew with me. I'm switching off the Serequil and going on Geodon instead. The weight gain thing has been baaaad. Geodon may help in an inadvertent way. I'm also going to get another knee stabilizer for the left knee, so I'm hoping I can do more hiking and photography. Anyways, more later today and I know I need to call Chad (*WAVE*), Case, Granger, and you Daval!

I hope Carrie and Julie are doing ok. I've been sad to know that the feisty red puppy that broke my fear of dogs has passed on. I'm going to put a photo of Bridgett up later today. Good Bye Old Friend. You are missed.
a line of red bugs for her to chase