Saturday, November 25, 2006

Well, it's been another interesting interlude since the last update. Some good, some bad. But definitely interesting. So therapy is going well, I seem to be settling in with my groups. There may be lithium in my future to replace the lorazepam, but the Psych wants to wait on that for a little while yet. Let me get settled on my other meds first.

a couple weeks ago was quite emotional. Demented was evicted from his apartment. I think he's living with his mom again, but I'm not certain. It's a very long story, but I was given access to get things out of the apartment. I was able to retrieve a small table that meant a lot to me, my sewing machines and some fabric, and some miscellaneous crafting items. Some Ag, but no pliers and really no beads. that was a bit of a bummer, but *shrug* I have things that I didn't have prior. Though now the issue is finding space to put things. and I had to leave some stuff there that I really didn't want to. But it was hard. I don't know how many times I just stopped, broke down and cried hard. The kind of cry that comes from grief, deep howling tears that stream down your face and you cannot help but vocalize the pain. I didn't realize just how much it hurts. It still tears me apart. some of the things were set up in what I perceived as little vignettes or shrines to various aspects of life. Gods they hurt. A ghost of a life that shattered into tiny shards of razor sharp memories that were embedded with the force of a nuclear blast into my psyche.

That whole thing left me a wreck both physically (fibromyalgia screamed at me for moving things *sigh*) and mentally (picking scabs) Of course the call from the police a day later didn't help. The apartment above Demented's caught fire (no one was hurt) but there was some question about looting in Demented's apartment the day of the fire, and it -DID NOT- involve my description.... =(

*sigh*
Sign me up for fucking drama class.
on the plus side, Duckie had been talking about getting me down to the 'Burgh for some time. Well, maybe it will actually happen this time. I'm kinda in a holding pattern for a little while while I wait for the Social Security Administration's decision about disability. BUT, they (C&J) stopped by last night to catch up on life with me. We talked. and talked. and I cried. and they were supportive family. it was stunning. Something I've never had from my own, really. not like this. So there's some tentative plans that I may be moving perhaps in a couple months, but I may start making some inquiries about moving my medical treatment, and therapy, etc.... I actually am scared shitless about this, and excited at the same time. Maybe, just maybe, I can start doing my art again and selling it through galleries. rebuild myself. maybe get my own little shop someday. and if all else fails, and I have to get a job maybe try CERT through OVR

hugs and love to all you out there. you keep me going. and that means everything. you give me hope and something to hold on to.