Friday, October 13, 2006

The Arch Duck

So, it's been a while since I posted. On the upshot, the Library has got new computers and are running some flavor of linux. woot. The down side is I've been very down. Very very down. But things are looking up in their own weird little way. I'm changing meds around again, and adding some more therapy. I can use it. I'm a little too familiar with sharp pointy things at the moment. *sigh*

I realize everything I own fits in a 12'x 12' room and most of it has been scrounged since August when the students left everything behind. It's strange starting over at 32. I feel like an idiot most of the time. (though I do know better than 'The World According to Student Bloopers'. Something I've seen since at least 1995 cruising around bitnet, look towards the bottom) but as far as human interactions, I'm clueless. Take dating for instance. Not a clue how it works. regardless of gender. being verbal about getting housemates to help clean. that's a new skill I've had to learn. Convincing the cat she doesn't want to go out every day now that it's cold and windy. all things I am working on =-}

what little beads I have are slowly dwindling and I really don't have any money to get more. very sad. very very sad. I've been beading since I was 9, selling silly little things since I was maybe 13? I don't know what to do about that. I've been watercoloring and doing india ink work too, which at least fills in some of the art gaps I'm experiencing. If anyone has extra beads hanging around, esp. seed beads, let me know, I'll take donations ;-)

anyhow. things progress with Disability, slowly, I have my hearing November 1. I cut my hair even shorter 1) because it's easier to take care of and 2) less hair to get ahold of and pull. voila. that kind of year. so today dawned golden and I felt a little better than I can remember feeling for months and months, but I'm afriad of that feeling. like it will go away and never come back, or ever get better, but I'll just take my Ativan and keep breathing.