Monday, September 18, 2006

it's been a while...


A synthasized voice / from a song I can't quite place / know this: BE FEARLESS

Well, I saw Dr.Osbourn this past week. He's a Psychiatrist at PSU. I liked him he was nice. I'm on .5mg RISPERDAL 2xday. Schizophrenia is what echos in my mind. what the fuck have I become? the list of meds I take is huge. 2 here, 4 there, 3 here, but that has to be doubled up.... ARGH. at least I'm not thinking the Bad Thoughts again. there was a couple days last week that 'melencholoy' wouldn't even touch the reality I had. I teeter back and forth on the edge of oblivion and living zombie, drugged on atavan just so that I can be out in public and not freak. it really sucks. I live in this abysmal limbo where nothing is real anymore other than trying to survive one dau to the next and sometimes I wonder why bother.

Havoc brought a live chipmonk in to myroom again today. I went and curled up in Quentins bed because I didn't want to dealwith it. appareently sometime while I was aslep, cat and rodent folloedme over. now tey'ere there.... igh. can't type for shit. later all. *hugs and love* to the people who deserve it. and even to someof the ones that dont.... I think I'm going to go and cry for a while..........

be good to each other, right????